


my heart moves from cold to fire

by goshawk18



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto) Feels, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto)-centric, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jedi Naruto, Jedi Sakura, Jedi Sasuke, Jedi Team 7, Pablo Neruda's Poetry, Star Wars References, Team as Family, guilty Star Wars AU crossover, idek how to tag, then he becomes a Sith, this is what marathoning Star Wars IV-VII does to you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 06:01:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9165280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goshawk18/pseuds/goshawk18
Summary: He forgets; these autumn days are not forever.(Sasuke is haunted by his past, and his control over the Dark side of the Force becomes tenuous every October 10th.)





	

33 BBY (Before Battle of Yavin); Naboo - The Uchiha Massacre

There are things you cannot undo, and moments you cannot forget. This is what Sasuke learns the hard way; eight standard years old, elbow deep in mud and intestines and battle droid parts, strewn with spinal cords and cyan-mottled bodies in odd angles, emitting sweet rot and cooling blood. He cannot forget this night, much as he wants to, because he promised his brother he wouldn't. Forgetting meant erasure. Forgetting meant abandonment. 

(He still calls him brother in his head.)

A paper moon looms above the compound, the rows of traditional houses and buildings casting long shadows over the ground. The man in front of him is half moonlight, half shade; a stranger from a nightmare.

Cold eyes shift from crimson then bleed to yellow, the eyes of a Sith and not his brother. On the night of the massacre the little boy listens to the Force scream in so many voices; the mix of hundreds of souls both human and alien die out, suddenly muted. A yawning silence rings in his ears.

No mind trick could erase the event from his mind, to expunge it from the bloody annals of history.

Icy fingers graze Sasuke's bruised cheek, cold and sharp as knives. 

Always remember this night. The day I killed them all. The day you failed them. 

Hot breath warms his ear with the sick words spoken near it. The day you killed them all, Sasuke mutters against his will, the day I failed them.

The memories resurface like glass pricking at his mind, time and time again. 

Always remember this night.

He wants to scorch galaxies until there's not a trace left of his tragedy.

 

.  
.  
.  
.

October 10, 27 BBY: Jedi Temple, Coruscant

Exhaling a ragged breath, Sasuke stands up on shaky legs. He dusts his padawan robes and sighs. Six years later and meditation is as appealing to him as bantha shit. Memories clutter his focus that Sasuke almost runs smack into Sakura on the way out of the meditation room. 

"Watch it." She steadies him, warm tanned hands holding his shoulders. 

Sasuke narrows his eyes. "You watch it."

"Force knows you're not blind, Sasuke." Sakura can sound affronting without meaning to. "Naruto wants to spend his birthday eating ramen in Ichiraku's."

"Did Master Hatake approve of that?"

"Of course not."

Naruto makes him wants to roll his eyes heavenward. He does so. "Three consecutive days, Sakura. He'll turn into a ramen cup himself at this rate."

The vast hallways of the Jedi Temple echo their padded footsteps. Sunlight streams from the open windows, golden quadrilaterals of light mismatched on the cream tiled floor, at times dappled green and red from the trees lining the inner gardens of the temples.

"I was thinking of giving Naruto gift certificates to buy fresh fruit, and one of those mechanical things he likes." Sakura says, hands stuffed in her pockets. "Treat him out to an actual cheesecake. Among other things. What're you getting him?"

"Knitted armor weave." Sasuke thinks of how flustered Naruto would be, once he sees the scarves and sweaters were made peach pink. No matter; he also knitted pairs in blue and that ghastly orange that Naruto favors so much.

"Sensible. Cute."

He swats her arm. "If Naruto could help it, he'd be running around in nothing but his underpants, the little shit. He thinks he's invincible, just because he can use the Force as an automatic bacta tank."

"That's true."

"When he sits at the table, someone switch his drink with alcohol."

"I'll get Shikamaru to do that. You know what else is fun? Getting Hinata. She can make Naruto stutter worse than she ever did in her padawan days."

Sasuke would pay good credits to see that again. Knowing Hinata, the Hyuga's self-proclaimed shadow Neji wouldn't be too far behind to Force-summon his lightsaber staff to whack Naruto on the head. 

"Make it 15% liquor." Sasuke says. "So he can actually kiss Hinata, for once."

"Yes!" Sakura punches the air, whooping loud enough to attract a few disapproving looks from passing Jedi Knights sharing the hallway. "Do you know how much credits I'd earn if they get together tonight?"

"A fortune, I'm sure." Sasuke says dryly. "You need to stop that betting, Sakura, or else you'll be just like Master Tsunade."

"Unlike my Master, Sasuke, I always win my bets."

Both Jedi Knights dashed to their rooms, fishing out their birthday gifts, carefully saved credits, and their cloaks to hide their robes and lightsabers before meeting back at the exit. They glance at one another, then look away to stifle breathless laughter. It's ridiculous and endearing; back in their padawan days, disguise was imperative in sneaking out the Temple. But now, as newly appointed Knights, all they have to do is use "Jedi business" and they'd be let out without complaint.

Sakura and Sasuke walk out of the Jedi temple, greeting the guards before stepping down the sand colored steps to the bustling city life of Coruscant. A glaring, cheerfully sunny day, with automated transports and speeders zooming past them, not obliged to stop until the red light signal. Weaving through streets and roads crammed with organic markets and flea markets and shops until the Jedis were shoulder to shoulder at one point, sardines in an alley of alien tourists and hawker stalls with the smells fried, roasted, grilled, and steamed delicacies that stuck to their Jedi robes. 

Throughout their walk the Coruscanti heat bakes them in their cloaks, but they can't afford to be seen by any wandering Masters until they're far enough. 

Finally, they end up in front of a modest noodle shop, fragrant steam and raucous chatter emanating from the entrance covered with painted canvas flaps.

"Comm the others." Sasuke says. "I'll make the reservations. 0700 hours sharp?"

"Make it 0730." Sakura advises, already tapping at her communicator attached to her wrist. "Naruto's back from Jedha by then, and Ino takes forever to prep her stupid blonde hair."

When she walks a little farther to make her comm-call, Sasuke rolls his eyes. Sakura and her stilted rivalry slash courtship with Yamanaka is as frustrating as moving a flock of Bantha. He should know, he's witnessed Naruto's efforts on Tattooine. Naruto's betting 500 credits on it, and the bet hasn't moved an inch since Ino's been off-world on a diplomatic mission to Mandalore.

"-definitely fun!" Sasuke feels rather than hears Sakura's laughter, rich and warm like honey, palpable through the Force. "It'll be a lot more fun if you bring that Twi'lek liquor you've been stashing in the break room, Chouji."

Ugh, Twi'lek liquor. Drinking that resulted in a clusterfuck the last time, with Neji and Lee drunk on the floor wrestling, and all twelve Padawans briefly blacklisted and banned from all 124 Coruscant clubs. Nobody could get in a good excuse edgewise in front of the entire Jedi Council when the evidence stacked against them included: "several defenestrated Republic Senators", a "prancing troop of reprogrammed battle droids" and "half a Senate building". 

Master Tsunade was apoplectic and Master Jiraiya was dying of laughter. Master Hatake tortured them with drills for a month, but it was worth every second.

He was going to ask for Corellian brandy, the least insane alcohol that would actually allow for polite conversation before getting shit-faced. They haven't discussed yet which alcohol to dupe Naruto with, but Sasuke hopes it's not Twi'lek.

Sasuke's eyes meet hers briefly; her green eyes are bright with excitement and slanted from her smiling. She gives a thumbs up to him. It's going to be a riot, she says on her comm-link. Well, Sasuke's never been given cause to disbelieve her. He slips inside the Ichiraku shop, only glancing once more at her before turning away to speak with Teuchi about reserving 12 seats for tonight.

It's October 10, 27 BBY; a cloudless autumn day on Coruscant. They're about to celebrate Naruto's birthday, and in a few hours, they'll have a party that lands him and Naruto and Sakura on suspension for three weeks. None of them will regret it.

Today, Sasuke slips. He forgets; these autumn days are not forever. 

 

.  
.  
.

 

(A few months later, a certain Sith Lord Force-chokes Sasuke against the cracked permacrete of a war torn Republic building; still my weak little brother, he murmurs in Sasuke's terrified mind, perhaps I should take away your little distractions. Can you kill me with the Light alone, Sasuke?

Sun-warmed, whisker-scarred cheeks. Rose-hued hair. No, no, no, he can't let his thoughts, his weakness betray them. 

Sasuke's eyes bleed from red to yellow

"Leave them alone." Dark tendrils of the Force give strength to his battered body. Power unlike anything he has ever felt rushes through him like electricity. He is a black sun, a red blade, a lightning bolt. "Leave them alone. I swear I'll kill you if you touch them, Itachi, I'll kill you and anyone that hurts them!" 

The Darkness swallows him.)

 

.  
.

 

October 10, 24 BBY: Korriban

Blood-red eyes shoot open.

Those were the days when their hearts were bursting with hope.

Years later Sasuke Uchiha lies motionless on the cold durasteel floor of a Sith Temple. His head throbs; he is cognizant of every ache in his body, and the despair of the years drowns him from inside. It takes forever to slow his rapid heartbeat. 

If living was this bad, then his brother should have just beheaded him that night. He should have died like he was meant to, with the rest of their clan. But the breath of life was forced back into his unwilling shell of a body. He is so tired of hating, of shoulders bowed down by regret, by the inevitability of death once he kills his brother. Because there's no way Sasuke's coming out of this alive.

(Itachi once asks Sasuke, sometime before the massacre: what is something that can ruin you?

War, poverty, death, betrayal. Sasuke's answers are textbook-typical. Is it a trick question? 

Sometimes his brother is frustratingly mysterious: Maybe.

Sasuke's answers change: Hope. Love. Duty. Family.

His brother's smile is strangely sad: Close, Sasuke. It's regret.)

It's morning on other planets, in foreign cities. His thoughts fly to bronze  
hands, cherry colored locks, apple green eyes, flax gold hair. Sun-kissed skin. Bright smiles made translucent by the steam of cooked noodle soup. Permacrete baking under countless Coruscanti days, golden-red leaves carpeting the stone paths of little parks and side streets, lit by ochre street lamps.

What's left for him but the hollow silence of a dead temple; the same cold paper moon from the night of the massacre. He has memories, but what good are those if it will only break him? Those days are light-years away.

Sasuke staggers to his feet, switching on his lightsaber. Crimson bathes the  
dim chambers of the Sith temple, lending a mad glint to his shadow ringed eyes. The angry crackle of the red blade reminds Sasuke of his mission. His revenge.

Not even memories of birthdays on Coruscant will stop (save) him now.

(In this part of the story he's the one who dies, the only one.)

**Author's Note:**

> Life got in the way and this demanded to be written first before all our fine intent (I promise I'll finish the series for Grass!!!) 
> 
> Guilty Star Wars crossover AU and with the title, closing line and influences taken from Pablo Neruda my fave, with his poem "I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You".
> 
> Itachi' question to Sasuke is inspired by MIB 3! 
> 
> It just hurts to think of Sasuke remembering Naruto's oct 10 b-day and planning with Sakura because Team 7 are real bros. Basically I vomited poetic and pretentious sadness in this fic.


End file.
